Separation Anxiety on the First Day of School

Essential Tips for a Smooth 1st Day of Preschool

The big day draws near! You’ve done your homework, you’ve researched daycares, and selected the best preschool in your neighborhood. Now, the first day of school looms large, and panic starts to creep in. You may have secured admission to the top preschool in India or the best daycare near you, but are you prepared to entrust your child to someone else’s care? How will she manage without you? Will he be scared as he starts school? The doubts rage on.

Not only does the child undergo separation anxiety, but parents are also prone to suffer just as much from such worries. Both parent and child need to prepare for this first day of school, so that your child can have a smooth transition into this new phase of their life. Here are some tips to help.

Understanding Separation Anxiety

One of the key benefits of a preschool or daycare is to introduce social interactions in a child's life. Children will meet new people, learn new ways of playing, and engage in new activities. If each of these is met and coped with successfully, they will develop more confidence and self-esteem.
However, we must recognize that separation anxiety is a common and normal part of the initial preschool experience and your child's development process. Separation anxiety and fear of strangers is common in young children between the ages of 6 months and 3 years.
In infants, separation anxiety develops after a child gains an understanding of object permanence. An infant tends to be very dependent on a main caregiver and may find it difficult to separate unless the situation is very familiar.
Children may explore more independently from 12 months or so with a main caregiver present or in another room nearby. As children begin to go through the separation process, they will often build an attachment to a particular person, such as a teacher or sometimes another child.
Sometimes, parents might be tempted to avoid bouts of separation anxiety by sneaking away when the child isn’t looking, after dropping them off. But this is counterproductive. Experts agree that this is more likely to create anxiety than alleviate it.
It is important to remember that it is normal for children to be upset and/or cry during the initial separation process. Children need time to build different and new ‘attachments’ with new people in new environments. The good news is that with conscious targeted support, children overcome separation anxiety relatively easily.

Partner With the Preschool

Talk to your child’s teacher about their approach to supporting children with separation anxiety. Some preschools have a clear process for settling-in periods to help the children with positive transition experiences. This may need an investment of time from the parents in the initial weeks. Parents and teachers working in partnership is the best way to alleviate stress for both the child and the parents.
Introduce your child to the preschool environment and teacher before the first day to reduce separation anxiety. Taking photographs of the entrance area, the class door, the class teacher, and the playground area is all useful in sharing discussions about this change.
Understand the daily routine from the teachers ahead of time, and discuss this with your child. Understanding what to expect and the types of activities can create a sense of familiarity and excitement.
Sharing information about the likes and dislikes of your child, along with favorite songs, stories, and characters, is useful for the teachers and caregivers to know.
For preverbal children, it is essential to share information with the teachers and caregivers about how your child expresses themselves and how they like to be comforted. Not all children like to be picked up and hugged; some may like their hair or back stroked, others may prefer the caregiver to be just nearby.

Introduce The Preschool To Your Child

Encourage your child to express their feelings and concerns about starting preschool. Help your child understand that it’s normal to feel anxious or scared on the first day of school.
Listen attentively to your child's questions about school and address any questions that they may have about the new school. Focus on creating a positive and supportive atmosphere to ease the transition.
Some schools offer child walk-throughs or trial periods. Take advantage of those upfront to help familiarize your child with the environment.
Summer camps are a great way to test out the nursery's fit with your child and to get your child looking forward to the first day of preschool with excitement.

Preparation is Key

It is important to establish a regular bedtime from a few weeks before, so that the morning of the first day starts on a positive and less anxious note.
Pack a special lunch or snack to make the day feel more exciting and fun.
A familiar comforting object from home often helps, such as a favorite toy or blanket. Favorite objects such as these may have the familiar scents from home as well as the positive feelings associated with them. As they become less dependent on these items, these are often found to be discarded by the child themselves.
Create and discuss a goodbye ritual, such as a hug or a secret handshake, to help your child feel more comfortable with separation.

How To Make The Preschool Drop Off Easier

Establish a consistent preschool or daycare drop-off routine to help your child feel secure and in control. Daily routines are the best way to reduce anxiety and foster independence.
The morning routine at home should be established a few days before the first day so that the child finds the day as normal as possible.
The leave-taking can be worse if your infant is hungry, tired, or not feeling well. Ensure that the child is fed before reaching the nursery. Encourage your child to use the bathroom before leaving home.
Try to reach the school early if possible. This is especially true if it is the first day of the academic year and there are likely to be many other first timers there. Hearing other children cry can set off a usually calm child into fear and distress.
The parent may be invited to attend ‘accompanied classes’ in the first few days. This help the child to begin to understand that there are ‘others’ within his world. This also broadens their experiences of positive interactions between their caregiver and others outside their home environment.
Start with short separation times in the initial days; children need to learn that the primary caregiver will return. This builds trust and understanding that you will return shortly. Young children do not learn the concept of ‘time’ until they are a little older, usually when they have developed confidence through prior separation experiences. Once these shorter separations are successful, extend the separation times gradually.
Another approach to easing the child into the preschool and daycare routine is to start with Mother-Toddler classes. New experiences and learning opportunities offered in a nurturing environment while the primary caregiver is there helps to remove fear of being in preschool or daycare.
While dropping off your child, encourage your child to say hello to their teacher. Some preschools have welcome practices like greetings, taking the child's temperature, etc. which are all part of establishing a drop-off routine to make the child feel secure.
Demonstrate positive interactions between all involved caregivers during transition times; this promotes a strong feeling of trust in the child.
It is crucial that parents should stay calm themselves, no matter how painful the separation may be for them. Instead, say a loving but quick goodbye, even if your child cries or screams. Crying will subside usually within a few minutes after you have left.
Remember, consistency is important in the ‘goodbye.’ If you give a quick kiss and a wave goodbye, then make sure that the routine is followed, even when you are in a rush. By establishing a consistent pattern of attentive goodbyes and reunions, you can build your child‘s confidence in you and your relationship.

Managing Parental Anxiety

The key behind regulating a child's emotional behavior is successfully managing the parent's separation anxiety levels. Families play an important role in creating a fun and exciting outlook for the child's day by discussing their daily activities.
Children have an acute sense of how their loved ones are feeling and any anxiety or stress automatically transfers over to the child and affects their reactions. They also take their cues of how to view the preschool or daycare from their parents. Visual cues of a smile and excitement transfer over as easily as a worried frown.
Some parents suffer from an underlying sense of guilt. Parents should actively avoid this. Although being apart can be difficult for both child and parent, it is important to remember that your child is gaining an important milestone and developing independence. Your adolescent will soon understand that you will always be back at the end of the day.
Parents of new preschoolers can come together to form support groups. Such groups help parents to share their worries. Relaxing over a cup of coffee, going for a walk, etc. while waiting to pick up your child in the initial days can help to form lasting bonds over shared new experiences.
Such parent groups can have the added benefit of encouraging the young toddlers to form new friends. Establishing new relationships with other adolescents and with the teachers and caregivers at the nursery is crucial for the child to settle in and start the learning journey.

The Role Of The Preschool

The primary caregivers in the preschool or daycare have an important role in assisting children with a positive transition experience. Children should be assisted to develop a sense of connection to the classroom community.
The classroom environment should be set up to be welcoming and inclusive so that it supports the children’s social and emotional needs.
Teachers should use positive language and reinforcement while trying to reassure children.
Distraction with activities is a tried and tested way of reducing tears and meltdowns. Engaging and fun activities are planned for the first day of preschool, such as play, art, or music, to provide ready ways of distraction.
Seeing older children engaged in social interactions also helps. So, teachers may encourage children to have joint activities in the initial days.
Teachers should be trained to watch out for risk factors of severe separation anxiety disorders. These should be discussed with the parents of those children for professional consultation.
Some preschools offer opportunities for new parents to meet each other, either during parent orientation, coffee mornings, or by arranging virtual chat groups. This is an important role that the school has in creating that support group for parents.

Starting preschool can be a challenging and overwhelming experience for young children and parents alike. Partner with the preschool to support your child in navigating the transition to preschool and developing a sense of belonging and connection to the classroom community. Encourage your child to express their feelings and concerns, and listen attentively to their needs. Support your child in developing social and emotional skills, new friends and a newfound sense of self-confidence.